Well, It Turns Out

That I'm back to the early morning posts. I'm too depressed at home now to even work on it there. But what I want to talk about today is depressing because I'm going to talk about:Death.

Death is a natural part of life and even though almost exactly one year ago today, my grandfather passed away, it still hurts. On Tuesday, my other grandfather passed away. At first, I couldn't believe it. I had just seen him a few days before!But then, once it did finally hit me, it was wierd. I cried but it didn't hurt as much. I was close with both of them, which is more then many people can say, but now, its going to be much harder to move on. It's great having a mom and dad that are still together, and its even better having all four grandparents until your older. Last year, it wasn't unexpected. My grandfather was in pain, he was suffering, and we were all hurting too. But once he did finally die, it was a little easier to accept that he wasn't hurting anymore. The pain was gone, so it was gone for us too.
But This time, it was unexpected. We had no idea. My mom got the call from the hospital and then she told my dad. It was by far something I dont want to go through again for a little while. It hurts to lose someone you love, take it from me on NUMEROUS occaisons, but if you do, you have to remeber the good things. Not the bad, but everything you loved about them, everything about them that made you smile and everything you wish you had gotten to do. While I'm not a believer in god, I do believe that there is an overlording prescence that helps determine what goes on, and how it goes on. While I'm hoping it won't happen for a while, chances are it will, but next time, I'll be ready. Next time, I'll make sure that I know whats coming.

But now, onto somewhat happier things. MUSIC. I got the new Boys like Girls and Paramore CD's. I love myself in my time of need to by the new boys like girls, and my friend loves me in my time of depression to burn me the Paramore CD. SSOOOOOO, here goes the list.

1. Sweat the Battle Before the Battle Sweats You-Cute is What We Aim For
2. She Wolf-Shakira
3. About A Girl-The Academy is...
4. Hollaback Boy-Cobra Starship

Alrighty, I think I'm done. If you took the time to read my (somewhat) depressing rant, then I love you. If you didn't, it's what ever.

Ciao for now! (man I havent wrote that in a while)

*yelps in suprise*

HOLY CRAP!!! I can't believe it's September 8th already. I start school in 2 days, and I have like NO work done. I feel like a slacker. But I only know like 2 people who HAVEN'T procrastinated. Wow. This is bad. But, also, I feel a little bit defeated. I mean, there's so much I wanted to do this summer, and I barely did any of it. I wanted to paint my room. Did I? NO. I didn't want to procrastinate. Did I? YES. I wanted to do a bunch of stuff, but I never got around to it. Time just moves to fast nowadays. *sighs* I did get a new iPod though. My friend Stefanie got a bigger iPod and gave me her 30 GB since it has a few problems but as long as it plays music, I'm good.
Speaking of music, I'm now in love with the free single of the week and the free music video of the week. So it's like I'm not even paying for my music anymore, since I get it from mah Babes and a few others. It's perfect!!

Anyways, I'll skip the rant today since I'm too tired at the current moment.

MUSIC-

1. Kill Me In A Record Shop-Boys like Girls
2. Woah Oh!(Me. Vs Everyone)-Forever the Sickest Kids ft. Selena Gomez
3. Love Lives On-Mallary Hope
4. Wonderful-Gary Go

*blinks furiously*

While I am angry, its more the fake kind of anger that you have when you hang out with a friend that annoys you. So, I was talking to my babes and reading her blog, which made me think:are we all the same? I kinda pride to be different then other people because it makes me feel unique. I don't think I'm the same because I'm different. I act differently, I never know anything before i plan on doing it, I'm so spontaneous, but then again alot of people are.

I mean, thinkning back, at one point, I was like other people. But in hindsight, it feels pretty good knowing the fact that I am different, and that I'm not like other people. The 3 things I fear? Clowns and such, all girls boarding schools, and sock puppets. The kinds of music I listen to? Anything that's not country, rap, or heavy heavy metal. The kinds of books I read? Sci-fi, teen drama, chick books, and even drama and mystery. I'm a whole grouping of contradictions. Anything else? Well, I don't think so, but i got my point across.

Thinking on it, I've done things that I wouldn't do over again, but I think in general, I've made mistakes, but there mistakes that have made me stronger. Without the people that I love and keep by me at all times, I have no idea where I'd be. Without the mistakes I made when I was younger, I wouldn't be the same.
I don't believe in regrets because regrets are the things that you would do over again. The past is the past, and while people change, it's not always for the better. Sometimes, it's for the worse. If you have those friends that you were insepreable from in elementary school, and then one of you moves or goes to a different school, you'll drift, without a doubt. When I was little, my best friend was stef. We were the people that told people we were sisters, the ones who knew the other persons family, and the two that spent the holidays with each other. Then, middle school came and she went to one school, and I went to the other. We didn't really talk after that.
We changed. I grew more out there, kinda a geeky but with a few close friends, and she was the one that people kinda looked up too. But once highschool came, we kinda started to get back to talking.
Then, last september, my grandfather passed away. I knew it was coming, but I had no idea how badly it would hurt. He lived right up the street and after that, my life practically fell apart. I did some things I'm not proud of, I chaged in a way that I don't think was for the better, and I was really upset for a while. Then, Stef's mom came to my grandfathers wake with Stef, and then she felt so bad, we fell right back to the way we were when we were still in elementary school. Sure, we were different, but we were still the same. But we fell apart. While I still talk to her, it's not like it used to be.

But all the things I've done, I don't regret. If I regretted them, then I wouldn't have learned from them. In my eyes, regrets are the mistakes you don't learn from, and I've learned from all of my mistakes. While it's not always in the way I imagine it, I always do. There are people I've hurt, people I've become close with, people I've come to love, people I've come to hate, but no matter how it goes, I don't regret any mistakes I've made.

Now, off the serious stuff.

MUSIC

1. I put the Metro in Metronome-Cute is What We Aim For
2. Moan-Cute is What We Aim For
3. Counter Clockwise-Hit the Lights

Ok, I think I'm done. Any comments, you know where to put them.